That’s three alcohol free days in a row. We call that a Triple! As a bonus, I’ve been pot free for 5 weeks!
Major drinking temptations of note were:
- A strong desire to hit the liquor store on my way home from work.
- My wife offering me a glass of Cabernet when I walked in the door.
As I’ve mentioned, wine is a lot easier for me to decline. It’s not my drink of choice. I’ll take a cold IPA anytime over the choicest vintage. That’s why I have to admit, driving past that liquor store on the days I go into the office can be quite tempting. They have a fine selection of ice cold IPAs in nice big pint cans. Four packs and six packs. All lined up and waiting to be drank.
Today marks my 64th consecutive day of contemplative meditation. I began meditating hopeful that it would help me move past my alcohol use disorder. It feels like it’s finally starting to bear fruit. My pot craving is pretty much gone.
Tempting as it was, I wasn’t going to thwart my progress. For my own self confidence, I need to string together more than a few alcohol free days.
I originally started meditation as a way to reduce my alcohol dependence. However, alcohol wasn’t my first daily dependence. That honor belongs to my friend and now ex-wife: Mary Jane. The fact that I’ve shaken my marijuana dependence is a really big deal. Turns out, I’ve been smoking pot daily, more or less, for over twenty years.
Of course, I took breaks from weed now and again, but these were nearly always predicated on upcoming job related drug screenings or vacations. You see, I’m not a fan of flying with pot so anytime we’d have to fly somewhere, I’d take a pot vacation, as well. Otherwise, I was hitting the bong everyday after work and on weekends.
As I relegated my pot smoking mainly to evenings, and not all day long, I had convinced myself that I was a responsible pothead. Unquestionably, I had a problem. My dependence on pot to help me ‘shift gears’ every night, e.g. ‘relax’ was undeniable. As a result, my daily use left me tired and lethargic most mornings. No doubt it affected my work and my overall disposition.
I was never really sure whether it was the pot itself or all the crap food I ate when saddled with the munchies that inflicted me with my daily ‘hangry-ness’. I suspect they combined to give me brain fog, sap me of my drive and cause me to drag ass through most of my days.
Without a doubt, on the nights I binge drank on top of the pot, the ensuing morning was a real bitch.
Still, here I am: meditation day 64. My desire to smoke pot or eat edibles has diminished almost entirely. I say almost because there is a little voice in the back of my mind constantly reminding me that I have some edibles stashed away in my safe. But the voice doesn’t hold much sway over me anymore and the pot remains untouched.
When the pot voice speaks, I kinda think, “Oh, yeah” and then “Meh” and go about the rest of my day.
I noticed a change in my relationship with pot around Meditation Day 35. It was like someone quietly turned off the pot switch in my brain. I simply lost the desire to use it anymore. And now I have zero desire to head out to the dispensary to restock. That’s saving me $100+ a month.
At this point, I can’t say I’ll never smoke pot or eat an edible again. I can only say that my desire, drive, urge, etc to do so is vastly diminished. I spent $60 on the Lojong app and it has already saved me $200 on not going to dispensary! Now that’s a real ROI (or more, appropriately, ROS – return on sobriety)!
Today’s goal – Go for the Quartet.
Jump to the Day 4.
Somewhere in the midst of this long swim, we get a glimpse of the other shore and are inspired to go there. That shore is enlightenment.
– Lodro Rinzler – The Buddha Walks Into A Bar…
