Last night I had a scheduled ‘beer date’ (aka binge drinking date) with my ol’ pal Drinkie. And for what other reason than to celebrate 14 days of sobriety, my first ‘Twice Lucky’. But I can honestly say that I’m feeling anything but lucky this morning.
1(6B) ; Nada ; M: 125 ; C: 88 ; P/U: 50 ; W : 5 mi
No weigh in – Would be too depressing…
Mindfully Binge Drinking?
It is interesting how much thought I put into drinking last night. I guess you could call it taking a mindful approach to binge drinking. Sort of.
For example, after examining all of the choices laid out before me in the grocery store’s aisle length beer cooler, I specifically selected a six pack of 12 ounce cans rather than a four pack of 16 ounce (pint) cans. My rational was simple. I figured it would be more satisfying to open and drink 6 cans versus 4 and I would be able to spread them out to last through both the NFL highlights and the Sunday night game.
That was the warped logic anyway.
Truth be told, it felt strange, almost surreal, to crack open that first IPA. But once I got over that mental hurdle, the rest went down quite easily over the ensuing three hours.
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
– F. Scott Fitzgerald
Climbing the Slippery Slope
As the binge drinking buzz began to take hold, I considered getting some weed. Fortunately, the buzz had not yet stolen my fortitude and I RAIN‘d all over that idea before I could unceremoniously throw away nearly 3 months of pot sobriety.
But, the battle wasn’t over yet. After draining the final sips from my last can of beer, I considered opening a bottle of Cabernet.
You see, I had reached the buzz equivalent of the ‘hockey stick’ on a growth chart. Straight up and to the right! My buzz had achieved its own momentum. Yet, not being a wine guy created just enough space between thought and action. In that tiny slice of time, I confronted and caboshed any further thought of another drink. I wonder what would have happened if I had anymore beer. Thankfully, I did not.
Addiction Transfer Rides to the Rescue
But there was still work to do. My brain, riding on the binge drinking high, was demanding satisfaction. It wanted more dopamine! So, rather than pour another drink down my throat, I pulled the old ‘bait and switch’.
Utilizing what I learned about addiction transfer, I went to where I had hidden the Halloween Candy (so the kids wouldn’t get into it early, lol), pulled down a five pound bag of various mini chocolate bars, and went to town. I should have known better, but I figured in my compromised state that the ol’ sugar for beer swap-a-roo was the lesser of two evils. Maybe, but…
Turns out, the lesser of two evils is still evil. This morning I woke up, after a sh*tty night’s sleep, feeling pretty damn yucky. I spent the night tossing and turning with my heart racing and suffering from terrible cottonmouth regardless of how much water I drank. And now my stomach is all screwed up (I’ll spare you the details).
While I don’t have what I would describe as a hangover, I’m feeling awfully lethargic and exhausted. My brain is foggy and I have two big black crescent shaped bags under my eyes. Feeling unattractive and looking unattractive is a lose/lose.
Regrouping After Binge Drinking
This morning’s meditation and yoga helped me regroup a bit and regain my emotional footing. I skipped the weigh in because, well, do you really need an explanation?
So…. I’m back to the drawing board. Yesterday is gone. I can’t take it back, so what did I learn?
Well, I learned that from now on it’s beer OR candy. I’ve also learned that six beers is probably two or three too many. If I’m to drink mindfully and find a middle way (should one exist for alcohol), I’ll need to drink less over a longer period of time in any one sitting. I must prevent the ‘drink taking a drink’ to prevent the drink from taking me. I must stay under the CDC’s definition of binge drinking.
The journey of 1,000 miles begins with the first step. And here I go again.
**Update (11/21/22): Since I wrote this entry in my journal, I’ve discovered Athletic Brewing Company and it’s Non-alcoholic IPA not only tastes great, but really scratches the itch when I’m craving a cold brewski. I can say, I’ve personally found it helpful to have a few of these in the fridge.
