Yesterday my boss hosted a Zoom Happy Hour with all of the U.S. based senior leadership. Unlike the rest of the leadership team, I wasn’t working virtually. I was working in the the office with Tim, another locally based Senior Vice President and our division’s head of sales. And despite my boss’ email ahead of time stating, “I might be enjoying a drink if you’d like to join me”, I wasn’t about to bring alcohol into our office. I’m pretty sure our company has rules surrounding alcohol in the workplace. In fact, there’s a poster in our supply room making it quite plain that it’s not allowed.
Zero ; 27’er ; M: 198 ; C: 158 ; P/U: 120 ; W: 5 mi
Alcoholics & Alcohol In the Workplace
Since Tim and I are the only ones working out of an office, I wanted to highlight this on the Zoom Happy Hour. I asked Tim if rather than taking the meeting from my office, if I could join him in his. He agreed. So, I pulled up a chair and Tim logged in.
When you quit drinking, you stop waiting.
– Caroline Knapp, Drinking: A Love Story
The first comment our boss made as he switched to gallery view was, “Well look at Tim and Dominic making it happen in the office right before Christmas! Way to go! Do you guys have something to drink?”
As Tim looked desperately around his desk, I surreptitiously pointed to a bottle of Trump branded champagne he had kept on his desk for as long as I had worked with him. I guess it’s been sitting there so long, it just kinda blends in for him now. His eyes lit up when he remembered he had it.
Tim reached for the champagne bottle and I replied to our boss, “No, but I’ll help myself to a slug of Tim’s coffee.” To this, he and the rest of our team laughed uproariously.
Zoom Toasts
Our boss stood up and announced that he was going to the freezer to grab his drink. Our V.P. of Sales Operations joked, “It’s five o’clock somewhere!” (It was 11am for Tim and me). Another V.P. joked that he’d hold our boss responsible if he couldn’t make it through the rest of his afternoon meetings as he sipped on what appeared to be a neat whiskey.
Suddenly the virtual drinks were flowing. Everyone, except Tim and me, were drinking all manner of spirits. Then our president proposed a toast to our team and to a very successful end to 2022.
“We made out budget!” he exclaimed.
Everyone raised their glasses. Tim raised his unopened Trump Champagne bottle (Trump logo carefully concealed beneath his fingers). I held up my invisible glass (though I was tempted to hold up Tim’s coffee).
Then, one square at a time, our boss worked his way around the Brady Bunch assemblage of Zoom squares thanking each of us for our contributions, wishing us happy holidays, and sending well wishes for 2023. After each square, all in attendance sipped their drinks. For a brief moment, a slightly jealous Drinkie appeared. But, per usual, I RAINed him away and took a virtual sip each time, smug in my dismissal of Drinkie’s advances.
Discussing Alcohol In the Workplace
No sooner had our boss finished going around the gallery view than did the discussion turn to alcohol. Our V.P. of Sales Ops shared his recipe for a killer Caipirinha (kai-purr-REEN-yah), which I learned is Brazil’s national drink.
Another held up a large bottle of whisky (which, as an optimist, I noticed was half full) stating, “I don’t really like whiskey, but this stuff is pretty good!” A third announced to the team that we really should consider having our next executive offsite at our Mexico City office because, “I’ve never had tequila that good before. And I just finished the last bottle I brought back with me from my last visit.”
A fourth V.P. joked that he must drink a lot of tequila because she remembers those bottles as being quite big. This elicited a heartfelt laugh from group. And then the conversation progressed from alcohol, to Netflix, to binge worthy shows, and other small talk before our boss thanked us once more and ended the virtual happy hour. Tim and I got back to finishing our division’s 2023 budget and forecast while the others, I assume, continued drinking. Because that’s what the old me would’ve done.
The Irony of My Morning Reading
I finally walked back to my office and sat down at my desk. I got to thinking how ironic it was that I had just finished reading Alcohol Lied To Me by Craig Beck a few hours before having to confront alcohol in the (virtual) workplace. And I finished this book on the heels of Sober On A Drunk Planet a week or so earlier. Of course, neither my boss nor anyone else in attendance was aware of that.
All I could think about during the entire Zoom Happy Hour was Craig Beck’s perspective on alcohol: attractively packaged poison we are socially engineered to believe makes us more relaxed, more fun, and more attractive. All the while it is slowly addicting, numbing, and fattening us up. I guess I’ve officially transformed into Captain Buzzkill! But Mr. Beck convinced me over the last week that’s he’s onto something.
Six months ago, I would have read my boss’s email announcing, “I might be enjoying a drink if you’d like to join me” as an invitation to run over to the liquor store (conveniently located across the street from my office) to pick up a sixer for me and Tim to split. Now, I find the whole affair silly and a little depressing.
I Don’t Take It Personally
I don’t blame my boss. He’s just trying to create a fun and informal setting for the team to connect. And I certainly don’t take any of it personally. Sadly, there are probably people out there that would file a complaint with Human Resources claiming alcohol discrimination or something stupid like that. Not something that would ever cross my mind, but some people love pinning their hang-ups on others, especially if there’s a potential settlement involved.
I’m not only confident in my own life choices, but I respect the choices that other people make for themselves. I’m also cognizant of the fact that not everyone struggles with alcohol in the same way I do, nor have they developed the perspective I now possess. I don’t claim I’m right or they’re wrong. My perspective has changed. That’s all. This new perspective allows me to attend a virtual happy hour without having either a drink or a chip on my shoulder. And that’s important because alcohol is everywhere.
And let’s face it, alcohol in the workplace is a funny concept. Even when I was smoking pot everyday and drinking most nights, I never associated either of these vices with ‘having fun at work’.
The Lies We Live By
In fact, this brings us to one of the biggest whopper lies I told myself for so many years. I convinced myself that I didn’t have a problem with pot or alcohol because I never used either during work hours. Of course, as soon as 6pm rolled around, I’d go and get sideways. But this never affected my work, therefore, I didn’t have an issue.
Wrong!! Oh, the things we tell ourselves to justify our actions. Today I imagine how much higher the quality of my work would have been all these years if I wasn’t rolling into the office with a hangover. As I tell my kids, you can’t waste your time trying to make a better yesterday.
Well, at least virtual happy hours only last thirty minutes and are a far cry from the MadMen inspired ‘three martini lunches’ of yesteryear where I might have been bullied into drinking myself silly. I’m thankful for that.
My sober holiday journey continues as I prepare to head back east and face a reunion with my old high school and college drinking and drugging buddies. That should be interesting. Stay tuned…
