One might say I’m not the ‘target audience’ for something like The Barbie Movie. I’m a fifty something straight male who never played with either a Barbie or Ken doll. Nor did I play with any of their many friends or iterations for that matter. Though I have to admit, after seeing The Barbie Movie, I find I suddenly have a strange affinity for Allan. I can really relate to that guy for some reason.
But my relating to Allan was just the tip of the iceberg with The Barbie Movie.
You see, regardless of my burning desire not to see this movie, my wife and kids dragged me with them on opening day. My daughters and my son’s girlfriend were dressed to the nines in their Barbie pink finest. Me, not so much, just a black t-shirt and board shorts. Before I knew it, I was begrudgingly sitting in the theater, seat fully reclined, thinking I’d fit in a much needed nap. I wasn’t expecting much.
Then something really strange happened…
Barbie Confronts Death & Dying
Everything with The Barbie Movie starts off predictably enough with a lollipop and unicorns jaunt through Barbie Land. Barbie and every other version of Barbie are waving joyously and exclaiming to each other, “Hello, Barbie!”
And so we go through the whole introduction to Barbie Land and finally the Kens. This intentionally over the top bubble gummy intro culminates in a gigantic musical number back at Barbie’s pad. And just when you think things couldn’t get anymore purposefully cliche, Barbie blurts out “Do You Guys Ever Think About Dying?”
Bam! The party screeches to a halt and Barbie is confronted with myriad perplexed expressions of ‘What?!?!?’ It’s Barbie’s momento mori moment (Latin for “remember you must die.”). But, of course, death and dying are alien concepts in Barbie Land where no one dies (though weird happens and is akin to a purgatory of sorts – so everyone appears to be afraid of that).
So if death is so absent from Barbie Land, where are this thoughts coming from?
A Grown Man Cries
Don’t let this heading get your pink panties all in a knot. I don’t find anything wrong with men expressing their emotions and I support ‘crying it out’. But still, crying in The Barbie Movie? Really? But there I was. Instead of squeezing in my much needed nap, I was searching for a tissue, napkin, or anything I could dab my eyes with.
A middle aged man crying at Barbie! I was praying my 12 year old daughter didn’t glance over at me and catch me in the act. Afterall, she was the reason for it.
Without giving you a blow by blow spoiler laden review of the movie, let’s skip ahead to the part that set me off.
So there we are, Barbie expresses her momento mori. The party pauses briefly and soon everything is back to normal back in Barbie Land. Or is it?
Enter Gloria & Sasha
As shit really starts going sideways for Barbie, she consults Weird Barbie who sends her on an adventure to the Real World. There Barbie is to confront the little girl whose thoughts are causing a rift in the universe.
Except when Barbie (with Ken in tow) gets to the real world of Venice Beach, California she discovers it’s not a little girl (now teenaged Sasha) who is causing all the trouble. In fact, it’s the little girl’s mom Gloria.
In Barbie’s meditative dream sequence, we are shown scenes of Gloria and a much younger Sasha playing Barbies. But as time goes on, Sasha enters middle school and loses interest in Barbie. Now Gloria is playing Barbie all alone in a darkened house as she tries to recapture her lost relationship with her daughter – who has now become rebellious and distant.
At this point, my eyes are welling up with tears. This is all hitting too close to home!
Barbie Teaches Impermanence
So while I’ve never played Barbies, my daughter and I used them sometimes during our 6.5 year adventures in our expansive personal fantasyland – The 500 Acre Wood. I’ve discussed our adventures and my struggles to let them go in Drowning In A Swirling Sea Of Emotion and I Need A Bear Hug.
From her kindergarten year though sixth grade, we played with a very special set of teddy bears and other stuffed animals for sometimes up to 18 hours a day (especially during covid). I developed more than a dozen unique voices and personalities for them. We painted canvases, shot stop motion movies, and created myriad art projects and other objects of interest. I filled out nearly three complete journals of our adventures. The personal investment in terms of both time and emotion were enormous.
So now my daughter and I have arrived at the same crossroad in our relationship as Gloria and Sasha. And while I haven’t resorted to playing with the bears by myself (yet), I do sometimes catch myself speaking in their voices and apologizing for not spending time with them anymore. Or even randomly picking them up and hugging them.
Often I’m experiencing emotional hot flashes while doing these things.
My mother always said that loss only hurts as much as it does because the thing we’re losing was so great in the first place. Sage words for sure. But loss still hurts, so what do we do?
We Accept Impermanence
As much as we’d like to hold on those precious moments forever, their beauty exists only in the present. That’s all there is. That’s all there will ever be. Right now.
When we work to accept impermanence we begin to realize that the past is already gone and the future is not guaranteed. So we stop giving the past and the the future so much of our attention. We stop living there. We embrace the present and savior it precious fleeting nectar.
This is much easier said than done. When it comes to The 500 Acre Wood, I find myself clinging on desperately with both hands. Even though I supposedly know better. My challenge in accepting the impermanence of this imaginary world demonstrates to me that I still have a lot of work to do spiritually and otherwise. I remain grateful for my daily meditation practice and the tools it continues to provide me in my quest to accept that change is the only constant.
Watching our kids grow up is hard. There’s a part of us that would like to freeze them at a certain magical age forever. But, no matter what we do, before we know it, they have grown up and flown the coop. And that’s okay. That’s what’s supposed to happen. Like it or not.
Barbie’s Struggle Is Real
I never in a million years expected to:
- a. Cry during The Barbie Movie or
- b. Take away any sort of deep personal insight
But both happened to me simultaneously. And while many participating in the culture wars at large are debating topics such as toxic masculinity and woke politics they perceive as being core to Barbie’s message, I’m in a different headspace.
I’m still thinking about Gloria playing with those Barbie dolls all alone as she grapples with her own struggle to embrace impermanence. And I empathize with her deeply. For I see myself in her struggle.
As I see us all. The struggle is real.
