What do you think of when you consider a term like Sober Meditation? Perhaps you immediately link it to a method of using meditation to arrive at sobriety. Or maybe you think it’s a way for you to deal with the trials and tribulations of a sober lifestyle already arrived at.
Well, I’ve certainly described all of these angles in this blog over the past couple of years. I’ve spent a ton of time here sharing my own journey through using meditation to overcome addiction. In fact, I’ve dedicated dozens of posts to this very subject.
However, this version of sober meditation is a bit different from what you might expect. Firstly, it’s not Sober Meditation, it’s S.O.B.E.R. Meditation. And while the difference may appear elementary at first, I assure you, it’s quite a bit more nuanced. So, let’s get into it!
Freedom Is Found In Creating Space
Through my well established daily meditation practice, the founding of the Laguna Men’s Meditation Fellowship, becoming a certified meditation instructor, and reading dozens of mindfulness books, I’ve come to appreciate the power of creating space.
Take a moment and think about how you react to the various events currently happening in your life. To help you with this exercise, here are a few examples to contemplate:
- An inconsiderate or wreckless driver cuts you off in traffic.
- After boarding your airplane and taxiing to the runway, a mechanical glitch forces you back to the gate to deplane and wait for hours while the airline figures out next steps.
- You lose your wallet or mobile phone.
- Your kid does something you strongly disagree with.
- Your dog poops on the kitchen floor.
I could easily come up with dozens of examples like these. But I want you to take a moment to consider those that are relevant to you.
Now consider this: are you inclined to react emotionally, instinctively, or immediately to situations such as these? Or, do you tend to be more contemplative? If you’re like that majority of people, you are the former. And that’s okay. I was once like you! But, there is a better way. And you’ll start by creating space between stimulus and reaction. That’s where SOBER Meditation comes in.
The practice of Sober Meditation is a mindful type of break. It is a great way to pause and check how you are experiencing an exact moment in time. It provides you with the opportunity to make conscious behavioral choices.
Elements of Sober Meditation
SOBER Meditation is a very useful and compact method of creating necessary space in your life. It’s useful in that the simple act of going through the five steps can dramatically influence how you react to stimuli in your life. It’s compact in that it can be done in less than 30 seconds!
And I believe that its compactness is what gives S.O.B.E.R. so much power. The technique itself is very similar to RAIN (which I’ve covered in detail in previous posts), but where RAIN allows us to let go of various hangups and negative associations, SOBER meditation provides a powerful toolset for tempering your reaction to people and events in the moment. It’s gives you freedom to choose how you will respond to various stimuli and this is the essence of mindfulness.
Let’s take a moment and break down SOBER Meditation. Sober is an acronym for:
- Stop
- Observe
- Breathe
- Expand
- Respond
Let’s dive into each of these.
Stop
The very first thing Sober Meditation teaches us to do is STOP. Seems simple enough, right? Just stop everything. But the act of stopping in the throws of a heated moment is anything but simple or easy. This is especially true when our emotions are running amok!
Let’s face it, we are emotional creatures. It is therefore quite natural for us to react emotionally to the things happening in our lives. It is exceeding difficult to STOP when someone is screaming at us or accusing us of some wrong or we are suffering a tremendous loss.
Yet, by practicing the Sober Meditation technique we train our minds to STOP, to pause, if even only for a brief moment. The very act of stopping creates much needed SPACE. It’s in that space that we can move onto the next step.
Observe
Now that you’ve managed to pause, you are able to OBSERVE how this ‘thing’ is making you feel. Are you experiencing anger? Perhaps it’s jealousy or sadness or insatiable desire. Maybe, it’s something entirely different from any of these. Whatever it is that you’re feeling, take advantage of the space you’ve created to really dig into it.
You are allowed and encouraged to fully feel and fully experience whatever emotional rollercoaster you are riding. Sober Meditation is not about suppressing or overcoming these emotions. The whole point is to allow you to work through emotions without allowing them to dictate your reaction. You are disabling your EMOTIONAL AUTOPILOT!
Feel whatever it is you need to feel. That’s an incredibly important thing for you to do because your emotions are relevant. They are real and important. But they should not control you or your reactions. Observe and then BREATH.
Breathe
Sober Meditation employs BREATHING as a way to release the physical manifestation of emotion. What do I mean by this? Consider that when you’re angry you feel hot. When you are sad you feel heavy. Not to mention the powerful physical manifestations of a panic attack! Emotions are not simply mental phenomena, they very much take on a physical manifestation.
There are myriad breathing techniques that can be used for this step. You may choose one or another in the moment depending on the circumstances. For example, if you find yourself alone in traffic after having been cut off by some jerk, you may elect to practice box breathing. Box breathing is very powerful. In fact, I do five reps of 4-7-8 box breathing before starting a meditation session with my men’s meditation group. It gets everyone in the perfect state of mind before delving into a deeper practice.
Alternate nostril breathing is another popular technique. But if you find yourself in a heated moment, such a fighting with a loved one, these more formalized techniques are often impractical. In those situations, I would recommend simply taking three long deep breaths. Breath in for 5-8 seconds, hold briefly, and then exhale for an equal amount of time. This style of breathing can be done in a manner that goes unnoticed by the other party and can go a long way to bringing your temperature down and tempering your emotional reaction.
Expand
As you breath, you will experience a growing sense of calm. While your emotions may not be fully quelled by breathing alone, they should become more manageable. Now you will focus on EXPANDing the feeling of calmness throughout your entire body.
Most people don’t realize the high toll emotions inflict on their physical bodies. And the toll can be quite high. Consider the physical impacts of stress and anxiety. Sober Meditation helps us to deal with stress and anxiety in the moments they are happening. Thereby preventing any unwanted buildup of either in our physiology.
When we consciously expand the feelings of wellbeing that often accompany deep breathing, and we do so in the space we have intentionally created, we can now prepare our response.
Respond
Well, it took awhile to get here, but now you are free to RESPOND to whatever it is you are dealing with. If you have managed to make it this far, chances are quite good that you will respond in a manner that is more likely to de-escalate a heated situation.
They say that ‘cool heads often prevail’. I believe this to be true. A cool head is a reasonable and rational one. By working through the five steps of Sober Meditation, you will be endowed with a cooler head. As a result, you will make better decisions and experience better outcomes.
At this point, you’ve stopped and fully experienced any emotions coursing through your veins. You have calmed yourself with intentional breathing and expanded that calmness throughout your being. Calm and collected, you are now free to respond in an appropriate manner to whatever it is you face.
Sober Meditation In Practice
Sober Meditation in practice requires practice. This means that you must do the exercise in times where you are not experiencing highly stressful emotional stimuli. Generally a Sober Meditation practice will only take 5-6 minutes to complete. You can incorporate this technique into your daily meditation or use it to establish a daily meditation if you don’t already have one.
Once you’ve mastered the five steps (Stop, Observe, Breath, Expand, Respond), you won’t need a full five minutes in practice. I’ve found that I can work through all five steps in less than 30 seconds! And that by doing so, I am able to dramatically redirect my emotionally driven thought patterns and make far better and more rational decisions.
And that is key! I truly love the practicality of S.O.B.E.R. Once mastered it can be applied to just about any situation and empower you to be the cool head that prevails. Of course, this isn’t about winning an argument or gaining the upper hand in a negotiation. You may find that those types of outcomes occur more frequently when you are able to temper your emotional reactions, but that isn’t the point.
The point is to give you the tools to work through life’s challenges in a manner more aligned with stress and anxiety reduction for all concerned.
Below is a guided meditation that will get you more familiar with the practice itself. Best of luck on your S.O.B.E.R. journey!
