The Art of Happiness – A Handbook for Living by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler M.D. is essentially a series of interviews Dr. Cutler conducts with the Dalai Lama. The tenets of Buddhist practices concerning the achievement of happiness are compared to contemporary psychological treatment methodologies. This approach makes the sometimes abstract philosophical material very relatable. Connecting Eastern thought with Western science proved to be a winning combination as The Art of Happiness enjoyed a 97 week stay on the New York Times bestseller list and has been translated into 50 languages.
Although pain and suffering are universal human phenomena, that doesn’t mean we have an easy time accepting them. Human beings have devised a vast repertoire of strategies for avoiding having to experience suffering. Sometimes we use external means, such as chemicals – deadening and medicating our emotional pain with drugs or alcohol – Howard C. Cutler M.D., The Art of Happiness
Happiness is on the minds of most people. In America, Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness are viewed as God given rights. But what is happiness? It’s such an ambiguous term.
There’s little doubt that happiness means many different things depending on who you ask. My definition of happiness is likely very different from yours. More importantly, as I sober up, my definition of happiness is very different today than it was even two short months ago.
I think the best way to define what happiness is, is to begin with what it is not.
Three Lessons from The Art of Happiness
1. There is no Contentment in the Comparing Mind
When you think of your life, so much of your happiness is defined not by where you find yourself, but where you find yourself in relation to others. M.L. Mencken once mused that a wealthy man is one whose income is $100 higher than his wife’s sister’s husband.
There are myriad ways we compare ourselves to others. Wealth is certainly one, but so are beauty, education, intelligence, access to opportunity, and family, among many others. Living a life of comparison breeds negative emotions. It is often associated with The Three Poisons: ignorance, craving, and hatred. You most often crave what others have. You are bombarded with adverts pitching you the life you wish you had. Comparison abounds and it surrounds us. It is deeply embedded in our society’s operating system.
The Dalai Lama suggests that the antidote for negatives emotions like jealousy and greed is contentment. He says, “One interesting thing about greed is that although the underlying motive is to seek satisfaction, the irony is that even after obtaining the object of your desire, you are still not satisfied.” He goes on to suggest that when you have a strong sense of contentment, whether or not you obtain the object, you are still content.
To do this you must first appreciate what you have. You must then stop confusing happiness with pleasure. Seems obvious, right? It may be obvious, but it certainly isn’t easy. I derived much pleasure from drinking and smoking pot all those years, but I wasn’t happy or content. I was drag-assing through life.
When I began to appreciate what I had, a loving family, a roof over my head, gainful employment, health (despite being overweight and a little achy), and hobbies, my outlook improved. While momentarily pleasurable, intoxication does not create happiness. It will never create happiness. Ever. Realizing this caused a seismic shift in my perspective.
Long term, seeking pleasure for pleasure’s sake will only bring you suffering. Living a comparative life disinvites happiness. Often the right choice, the choice to be happy, is the difficult choice – the choice that sacrifices your short-term pleasure. The choice many, especially addicts, are not willing (or able on their own) to make.
2. Will It Bring Me Happiness?
Simple question, or so it would seem. Will this car, house, ring, as seen on tv gadget, gizmo, person, place, or thing make me happy? I hate to burst your bubble, but probably not. These things may give you immediate pleasure, but never provide lasting happiness.
True happiness exists regardless of whether you are riding the highs of life or enduring its lows. It is something you move toward rather than away from. It is an attitude of embracing life rather than rejecting it. Happiness can be hard work. There is often much resistance along the way. But it is in this very resistance you will find strength and grow strong.
Happiness takes practice. Lots and lots of practice. It’s precisely why I meditate every single morning. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, mindfulness stemming from daily meditation, creates space between thought and action. It’s in this space you can ask: will it bring me happiness?
When I’m at the store, passing by the cold beer cooler, and that voice in the back of my head asks me: “Game’s on tonight. Don’t you think we should get a 12 pack?”, I’m able to pause. I pause and I ask myself whether buying a 12 pack will truly make me happy. In that space, I quickly realize it won’t. If I overdo it, it will, to the contrary bring suffering in the form of sleep deprivation, bloating, and a hangover.
Increasing my awareness, instead of acting impulsively, leads me toward happiness. I can decide which actions keep me on the yellow brick road and which will derail me. I can then reset my priorities based on this criterion. Fewer negative decisions means more positive outcomes. More positive outcomes increase my happiness.
3. To Change You Must Start Learning
If you seek to bring about positive, lasting change, you must prioritize learning. Learning is imperative because it leads to conviction and determination, which themselves incite action and effort. In the Art of Happiness, The Dalai Lama instructs us that “strong determination to change enables one to make a sustained effort to implement the actual changes. This final factor of effort is critical.”
I can honestly say that sometimes it takes A LOT OF EFFORT to walk past the beer cooler and not buy some yummy IPA. It is my determination to create a happier and more fulfilling life that compels me to keep walking. That determination sprung forth from the learning provided by my daily meditation practice and books such as The Art of Happiness, Ordinary Wonder, A Quiet Mind, The Buddha Walks Into a Bar, and many others.
All human beings have the capacity to be very determined and to direct that strong sense of determination in whatever direction they would like to use it. There is no doubt of this.
-His Holiness the Dalai Lama, The Art of Happiness
I have learned that I must make a sustained effort to change my deeply ingrained habits. Change and transformation are a gradual processes. There are no ‘quick fixes’. As it takes a long time to develop your bad habits, it takes an equally long time to establish positive habits that bring happiness. There is no avoiding the fact that change requires determination, effort, and time.
But, I would argue, happiness is worth the struggle, for in the struggle you will find the strength that fuels your determination.
The Art of Happiness
In the closing pages of The Art of Happiness, Dr. Cutler writes:
“While we’re used to the idea of using psychotherapeutic techniques
such as behavior therapy to attack specific bad habits – smoking,
drinking, temper flares – we are not accustomed to cultivating positive
attributes – love, compassion, patience, generosity – as weapons against
all negative emotions and mental states.“
He concludes that the Dalai Lama’s proposition that negative emotional states are not natural, but instead are temporary obstacles that interfere with our natural state of happiness – is revolutionary.
In my own meditation practice, I’ve experienced a monumental shift from negativity to positivity. That’s not to say I’m bebopping around life every moment of every day, but overall, I’m far more positive than negative far more of the time. I’ve learned to prioritize what’s important (people over things, happiness over fleeting pleasure) and am making better decisions.
As I’m sitting down to write this, I’ve had 4.5 beers split between two occasions over the past 40 days (with my current stretch being a Dime). I haven’t had marijuana of any kind in 77 days (over 2.5 months). I’ve meditated 120 consecutive days and lost over 20 pounds.
As a result, I am far happier and healthier than I was when I began this journey four months ago. Make no mistake, I still have a very long way to go, but I’m confident that my determination combined with unyielding action and mounting strength will take me to places I can only dream of.
