I’m fifty-one years old and I live in Southern California. I am a husband, father, son, uncle, executive, artist, and, now, blogger. I grew up in an alcoholic household and have seen the ravages of addiction up close and personal.
I was inspired to start ReturnOnSobriety after struggling with alcohol and cannabis addiction most of my adult life. By this I mean that for over twenty-five years, I smoked weed virtually everyday, and on most of those days, I washed my bong hits down with a couple of beers. As time went on, a “couple of beers” often meant 8, 9, 10, or more. When my wife would ask me how much I had to drink, I’d slur, “A couple beers.” That’s what happens when “one is too many, and a hundred is never enough”.
And these weren’t light beers either, they were most often 7-9% IPAs or Double IPAs and pints or 22 ouncers at that! I’d have a bong hit, toss back a few, and follow that up with another bong hit or two, and then drink a few more. Mix and repeat. Day in, day out.
Somehow, through all of this use and abuse, I managed to hold down high ranking executive jobs such as vice president, president, COO, and the like. While in the thick of it, I credited my ability to pull this insanity off as a result of relegating my addiction to evenings and weekends. But I was on a collision course.
Things were humming right along until Covid 19 came crashing into our lives. Hunkered down for months on end, my drinking and drugging rose to new levels. I gained 38 pounds. I experienced sleepless nights and chronic inflammation. I became socially introverted. My relationships and productivity suffered. My creativity and drive vanished.
Unable to curb my addictive urges, I saw the looming spectre of Alcoholics Anonymous, and turned to meditation in hopes it might help me overcome my use disorder without forcing me to quit using altogether. An addict’s wet dream, right?
As I approach and pass two years of daily meditation and marijuana abstinence, the question I was, and am still, trying to answer is: Can one use meditation to tame addiction? In other words, will I be able to enjoy a couple of beers with my buddies without going overboard and devolving back into a daily drinker? As I’ve written volumes about over the past several years, meditation has completely cured me of my marijuana addiction. I haven’t touched pot in almost two years, despite still being exposed to it on a regular basis. As a guy who’s been smoking pot since the mid 1980’s and daily since the late nineties, that’s no small feat! Mindfulness practice has also resulted in a massive reduction in my alcohol consumption both in terms of frequency and quantity.
Can I rewire my brain and rebuild my body using meditation? If you click the preceding link, you’ll discover the answer is 100% yes! It was for me anyway, your mileage may vary.
Today, with the marijuana boogie man (Smokie) and the alcoholic monkey (Drinkie) off my back, I feel my use disorder is well under control. Therefore, I’ve made the decision to shift the focus of this blog from addiction and recovery to meditation, mindfulness, and spiritual growth. I intend to honor the genesis of this website by keeping the name Return To Sobriety intact, only sobriety now takes on a much broader definition beyond a lack of intoxication and personal addiction. At its root, sobriety means being in possession of one’s faculties, and exhibiting staid and sensible behavior. It’s to take a sober view of life.
In the Bible, (Proverbs 14:5; 18:2; 29.11) sobriety is defined as freedom from every form of mental and spiritual drunkenness, which includes freedom from excess, inordinate passions, rashness, and confusion. In this context sobriety implies a sense of pure wisdom, as one who is sober is well aware of the importance and value of mind and heart. Adherents maintain a sober and well balanced view that exists in harmony with God’s law and yet avoids the extremes of judgement. A truly sober person is one who shuns impulsiveness, carelessness, and any exaggeration of emotion. Thus, we move beyond physical addiction to subjects such as material compulsion, spiritual rudderless-ness, and evolving from mind full to mindful.
We will explore all of the ways God speaks to us in the silence and learn to recognize the often mysterious clues, that like so many breadcrumbs left along a dusty road, can lead us to emotional freedom, and, dare I say, happiness – however you may define it.
As I mentioned, the genesis of this blog lies in addiction. I’ve included an Alcoholism and Addiction Resources page on my blog expressly to assist those suffering from such maladies. There are many excellent organizations represented here that will be able to assist you with your addiction better and more professionally than me. Please check them out if you feel you need real help.
This is my journey and these blogs are my journal. Let’s see what we can discover together.