This blog is a quick lesson in gratitude. And it begins with this exercise: Take a moment to think about something you’ve always wanted but has always eluded you.
It could be anything.
Now consider, how badly you want it. And as you do, expand your thinking to encompass why you want it so badly. Are there others you know that already have this thing? How does that make you feel?
What ‘it’ is, is completely unimportant. Just take a moment to really examine how this thing and its absence from your life makes you feel. What emotions are you experiencing right now, in this moment? Are these emotions lifting you up or undermining your happiness?
This question is vitally important. Answer it honestly. How do you feel without ‘it’ in your life? How long have you felt this way? Will finally obtaining or attaining ‘it’ at long last make you happy?
So Many ‘it’s’
Next, I want you to think back on all your life’s ‘its’. In totality, there are probably thousands of them, likely tens of thousands. These range from pursuit of material objects, to food cravings, love and loves lost, attaining goals, and so much more.
Now consider possession of these ‘its’, how permanent or fleeting was the happiness they provided? Were you finally satiated or was there another mountain to climb waiting directly on the other side? And after that another mountain? And another?
While life’s richness compels us forward, perpetually in pursuit of the next ‘it’, what are we truly reaching for? And why doesn’t possessing this endless parade of ‘its’ ever provide lasting satisfaction? Why is it we are so often grateful for the chase and less so the ‘it’.
Happiness is Fleeting, Gratitude is Otherwise
I do not judge anyone for how they express their success. Afterall, hard work should be rewarded. Yet I’ve met so many successful people for whom true happiness is fleeting. Despite all they have and have accomplished, there remains a hole inside of them that no amount of stuff or accolades will ever fill.
They want for everything and seem grateful for nothing.
Yet, there are those who struggle through every moment of every day – emotionally, financially, spiritually, or otherwise. And while these two sets of folks may appear very different from one another at first glance, a deeper look reveals significant similarities.
I’ll never forget one cold foggy morning in San Francisco a few years back. I was staying in a hotel just south of Market that was a short, brisk walk from my company’s offices at 100 Montgomery.
I hadn’t stayed in this part of the city before, and being a curious sort of fellow, I consulted a map of the area and decided to explore a new route that would take me through Union Square, past Chinatown, and finally into the financial district.
Little did I know my curiosity would direct me through the heart of the Tenderloin!
What struck me about the people I encountered in the Tenderloin was that many I saw waiting in long lines for social services had the latest smartphones and were wearing designer (albeit dirty and old) clothing. In fact, I probably had the oldest phone of anyone I passed and was flummoxed by the shear absurdity of the whole situation. Afterall, I was the president of a large regional renewable energy company, and yet I had the oldest phone of anyone there!
I’m not implying that these people don’t deserve to have nice things. But given their apparent financial situation, I was a bit confused. How was acquiring cutting edge technology a priority for them? Especially since it likely came at the expense of more important considerations such as food, housing, and hygiene.
Living beyond our means has become so ubiquitous it’s pervasive. Afterall, our society prioritizes image over substance and appearance over happiness. You can have it all and somehow, it’s never enough. Or have nothing and appear otherwise. Some of the most sincerely grateful people I’ve ever met have been of meager means.
This is nobody’s fault. And I’ve come to understand something. Lack is deeply programmed into all of us – rich and poor. And gratitude has been force to take a backseat to the bottomless pit of this percieved lack.
Lack Abounds
From the moment you pop out into this great wide world and take your first gasp, you are constantly reminded of all you lack. Images of ‘happy’ people abound. And you are assured you can be happy, too. All you have to do is: buy this car, and drink this drink, and wear this label, and visit this place, and take this pill, and live in this neighborhood.
All the ‘ands’ are intentional to drive home the point that none of these in isolation will do the trick, you must always ‘and the next thing’. And there will always be a next thing. That’s the way it works – that’s the deal! Gratitude for what you already have is counterproductive, you see.
I love pharmaceutical commercials. Here’s this person with some terribly debilitating condition skipping through fields of dew kissed daisies with his/her grandkids. And they are simply joyous! It all looks so wonderfully freeing and empowering. I’m almost tempted to ask my “doctor about oxyhappylifen” even as the narrator is disclosing its myriad, and potentially fatal, side effects.
Advertising is that powerful. And you’ve been awash in it your entire life. We all have.
You Can Finally Be Happy When
The way I see this ubiquitous “you can finally be happy when” messaging playing out is in what I’ve termed Blinders On & Eyeballs Up Syndrome.
I define this as a condition whereby we are constantly comparing ourselves to those who have more than we do – at least materially. This could be a relative, neighbor, co-worker, friend, or rival. You set your sights on the things they have that you desire and never take your eye off the ball. Hey, if it all works out brilliantly, you might even manage to get one up on them. Wouldn’t that be dandy?
All the while, emotions of envy, jealously, and covetousness foment inside you and poison your happiness. Worse, you will discover getting one up on them is far from the antidote you expected, and race is on, and on, and on…
So, what is the antidote? To break the cycle of desire, you must practice gratitude. This means shifting your focus from those who purported have more than you do to the vast riches already bestowed you by your own efforts and luck and the Almighty.
Gratitude Is The Great Gift
Look around at all of your great gifts. Even if you are struggling to find any, I assure you that they are there waiting to be unveiled. Keep looking!
I like to keep it simple. It’s a gift to be simple, and gratitude waits in simplicity.
Were you able to enjoy a hot cup of coffee this morning, perhaps with a little nourishment? How about a hot shower? A roof over your head and a comfortable bed? Do you have people who love you? Do you enjoy your vocation? Are you healthy? Do you have food security?
Maybe you are enjoying the gifts of adversity. As difficult as that concept may be for some, I guarantee you that every adversity you face is replete with gifts be they of knowledge, experience, fortitude, or accomplishment. Be grateful when life challenges you. To quote John Wooden:
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.”
And the way you get there is with gratitude. Gratitude is fundamental to happiness. Stuff happens, but our perspective is what matters. Think it’s bad, and it’ll be bad. Think it’s good, and it’ll be good. Look for the complaint, and you’ll become ensnared. Look for the gift and you’ll find freedom and opportunity.
Gratitude Implies Abundance
You see, gratitude and its gifts imply abundance. I’ll go further and commit that gratitude generates abundance. Alternatively, desire derives from lack. Moving from a desire to gratitude mindset means transitioning from perceived lack in order to manifest abundance. And abundance is all around you. All you have to do is look, and you won’t have to look very hard. I promise!
Maybe that abundance is material. If so, good for you! But I encourage you to look far beyond your gadgets, gizmos, and account statements. None of these things truly matter. They are simply derivatives of one kind of very narrowly defined success – Financial. And none of that comes with you when you depart this life.
Conversely, lack is all around you, too. All you have to do is look. See what I mean?
Your experience is a result of where you direct your focus.
Simple in concept, but difficult in practice.
Gratitude Meditations
Gratitude meditations are designed to ease you into this all important mindset shift. Rome wasn’t built in a day, so please be patient with yourself. It will take time to rewire your mind. That’s why we call it meditation ‘practice’. You will keep practicing until, and hopefully beyond, you experience significant transformation.
In fact, that very transformation will likely be the event that cements your practice!
I can assure you from personal experience, if you stick with it, you’ll undergo a profound shift. You will be happier (however you come to define that) and healthier (having jettisoned the endless pursuit, and resultant anxiety, of endlessly chasing every perpetual ‘next’).
Better yet, gratitude provides more than a means to achieve happiness. It is a gateway to empathy, generosity, reciprocity, and fulfilment.
Gratitude will help you see that “Your cup (already) floweth over.” You are already abundant.
I’m grateful you visited with me today. And remember, embracing gratitude is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the ride!
