Having broken down and purchased a six pack of IPA last night, I proceeded to plow through all of it in a few short hours. Upon running out of beer, and not feeling buzzed enough, I made the genius decision to toss back a rather generous glass of Pinot Noir for good measure.
I’ve arrived at a dozen beer free (and therefore alcohol free) days in a row – one step forward, maybe two! A Dozen was my goal for this sobriety stretch and I’m considering having a few beers tonight. Not totally sure about it and I’ll have to feel it out. I’m on the fence…
Over the past few years, I would reflect on my lost creativity. I often wondered where the hell it disappeared to. When I think of the times I was happiest, truly in my happy place, it was when I was creating. I falsely believed that alcohol and marijuana would somehow unleash my creativity. Sadly, this false belief drove much of my drinking and drugging over the past twenty years.
Last night I had a strange and somewhat disturbing experience. While applying rubbing alcohol to a pimple on the back of my neck, for a fleeting instant, I actually considered tasting it. Immediately, my rational mind rode to the rescue and prevented me from going through with it. I mean, shit, I’m not Kitty Dukakis for crying out loud!
As it stands, I still think about buying beer every single day (you know how it can be). I am constantly confronting that urge and working to let it go (or make it let go of me). My sobriety is challenged daily by a little voice in the back of my head suggesting the “next time we’ll get drunk”.