I missed my entry yesterday. It was a hectic day. The good news is that I got my Nickel and added another zero day. As a result, I have a Sixer! That breaks my previous record from last week (a Nickel) and is my longest alcohol free stretch since before Covid began 2.5 years ago. It’s an even longer marijuana free stretch at 35 consecutive days.
My current marijuana free streak is my longest since doing a 5 month stretch all the way back in 2016 – six years ago. In 2016, it wasn’t like I wanted to quit smoking weed, but I was interviewing for a C-suite role (which I eventually landed). The interview process took forever and the company’s website talked about drug testing. I was worried it applied to all new employees.
Turned out that drug testing didn’t apply to executives, go figure. The day I learned this, I busted out my bong, packed a big bowl, and got good and lit. I was instantly marijuana free no more! Five months gone in the whiff of a bong hit.
As of today, I am experiencing my longest pot abstinence since those heady interview days. The last time I smoked weed was on July 10th at an outdoor concert up on the bluff perched above the beach. My buddy offered me a hit from his vape pen. I took three and washed them down with a few IPAs. That was 40 days ago, somewhere around 33 days into daily meditation.
Five days or so later, I ate a handful of cannabis infused mints. Let’s say that was July 15th. Today, then, would mark 35 marijuana free days.
As I’ve written previously, the urge to smoke weed, eat it, or otherwise consume it vanished suddenly around a month into daily meditation.
I didn’t quit weed. Weed quit me.
And I’ve been marijuana free ever since. But, let me repeat, it’s a different experience with alcohol and beer in particular.
Yesterday, while shopping at Smart & Final, I ended up in the liquor aisle (of course). As I stood there in front of the refrigerated cases of ice cold beer, I scanned the wide selection of IPAs, lagers, pilsners, stouts, ales, ryes, and even peanut butters (which taste much better than the name would imply). Slowly pushing my shopping card past each section, I considered whether I should pick up a 6 pack of this or a 12 pack of that. Before I knew it, I was at the end of the aisle. There and then, I decided not to buy any.
Feeling good about my decision, I wrapped up the rest of my shopping, and proceeded to the checkout. But I wasn’t out of the woods yet. Waiting for me there, neatly stacked at the entrance to the checkout line, were 12 packs of 805, a rather delicious beer from Paso Robles, CA. This enticing endcap display nearly caused me to reconsider. But being so close to a Sixer, I pushed through the temptation.
In all my marijuana free time, I’ve not had this level of temptation and second guessing myself. What was interesting about my experience at Smart & Final was how I felt as I confronted the beer case. It wasn’t the neutral feeling like with pot. It was, in fact, a very negative feeling. I was overwhelmed by a heaviness, a palpable feeling of guilt.
During much of my meditation I’ve associated alcohol, particularly beer, with suffering: the suffering of hangovers and sleepless nights. As I stood in the aisle, this suffering manifested itself as a mild revulsion to the beer on display. Rather than associate a six pack with a relaxing evening, I associated it with a shitty morning after, stomach distress, antacid, and exhaustion. I never do that with weed.
It’s worth mentioning that the guilty feeling I experienced while standing in the aisle was nothing new. I had experienced it many times before when buying alcohol, picking up some weed at the dispensary, packing my first bong hit of the day, or cracking my first beer.
But in the past, guilt alone was not enough to keep me beer or marijuana free. The association of beer with suffering adds a new dimension. It was just enough to get me through that aisle and on to my Sixer. While on the one hand I feel very accomplished, on the other, that nagging voice (who I’ve started calling Drinkie) is still there, encouraging me to have a few beers.
Today is Friday. Let’s see where it goes…
Jump to the Day 13.
Let go of the things that hurt you, but never forget what they taught you.
– The Buddha
