Well, I’m excited to see that I recovered two of the pounds I had gained. I continue to ping pong in the 203-205 pound range. But it’s a minor miracle that I’ve managed to navigate both Halloween and Thanksgiving without gaining any weight back or drinking too much. And with Christmas around the corner, I’m reassessing my weight loss goals through the end of the year. Right now weight maintenance is the goal. More importantly I aim to remain sober on this drunk planet during the drinkiest time of the year. Check out my previous post – Day 117.
Sober Stats: Zero+ ; Dime ; M: 183 ; C: 141 ; P/U: 105 ; W: 5.5 mi
Sober On A Drunk Planet
As I reflect back upon my last binge drinking episode, I can honestly say that while I’m not proud of that, I am proud of this. That I’ve only drank once in the past thirty days, and once I get through today, it’ll be 31.
It’s early December. Back in July, I was drinking at least a six pack (often a lot more), five plus nights a week, and smoking pot virtually everyday. I was almost thirty pounds heavier, sleeping like sh*t, exhausted and cranky, in physical pain, and emotional spent. I looked pretty awful too.
Going from 20-22 boozing nights a month and smoking pot nearly every night for decades to once a month and not at all, respectively, is quite an accomplishment. And not an easy one.
While I’m not perfect in my alcohol sobriety on this drunk planet, I’m greatly improved. Better, however, is my marijuana sobriety (in California I have to deal with being sober on a high planet) that is perfect at nearly five months!
And as the author, Sean Alexander, points out in his book Sober On A Drunk Planet:
- With sobriety, it’s not about what you give up; it’s about what you get back.
- “Sobriety delivers everything alcohol promised”
- Quitting alcohol creates a new circle that’s as healthy and rewarding as the old one is depressing and damaging
- You’ll have plenty of time in sobriety (I can vouch for this! It’s SO TRUE!)
- Saying ‘no’ doesn’t mean giving things up, it means getting more in the long run
- Neither alcohol nor material things feed the soul
- It’s not your fault you don’t know how to have fun without alcohol
- Drinking kills your motivation, leaving you content to do what you have to do, rather than do what you’re capable of
- You’re not giving up alcohol, because it was never something worth having in the first place
- Transforming from ‘drunk you’ to ‘sober you’ isn’t an instant thing. It’s hard.
Reading Sober On A Drunk Planet right now has been a blessing. I can relate to many of the stories he shares about embarrassing drunk episodes, empty pockets at the end of a drunken night, and waking up on couches wondering how the hell you got there without your wallet or cellphone. I particularly like the financial angle he covers and the caloric breakdown of nights out on the town.
Cruel Optimism
As I mentioned in my last post, I’m reading the book Stolen Focus by Johann Hari. Toward the middle of chapter 7, Hari introduces the concept of something called Cruel Optimism. This is how he describes it:
This is when you take a really big problem with deep causes in our culture – like obesity, or depression, or addiction – and you offer people, in upbeat language, a simplistic individual solution. It sounds optimistic, because you are telling them that the problem can be solved, and soon – but it is, in fact, cruel, because the solution you are offering is so limited, and so blind to the deeper causes, that for most people, it will fail.
-Johann Hari, Stolen Focus – Why You Can’t Pay Attention and How to Think Deeply Again
What struck me particularly about this passage and the subsequent pages describing the dangers of the quick fixes (often promised by gurus often pontificating from a privileged position) is how it related to this blog. Since inception, I’ve worried readers might misconstrue this blog as advice (it’s not) and become frustrated if and when the solutions that may have worked for me don’t work for them.
This is why I’ve been so clear that this blog represents my personal journey. I want to demonstrate that the challenges I face and the things I’m trying to change about myself ARE HARD. Being Sober On A Drunk Planet IS HARD. Losing weight and getting fit IS HARD. Dropping bad self destructive habits and replacing them with self affirming and virtuous ones IS HARD.
If you’ve spent any time on this blog, you’ve read about my disappointment after I regain 5 pounds due to a relapse of binge drinking. I’m attempting to find a sort of Sobriety in all things, and it’s HARD. But few things that are worthwhile are easy. If they were, everyone would succeed wildly at everything they ever tried. And, in such a world, life would be unfulfilling and hollow, because hard work and perseverance make victory taste that much sweeter!
We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard.
– John F. Kennedy
I choose to lose another twenty pounds because it is hard. The same with my sobriety. It’s damn challenging, especially during the holidays. Take what you find useful from this blog. Leave the rest. Some of it may work for you or none it will. I make no promises or warranties. You and I are different people on our own journeys. So while our individual solutions may differ, one thing we share is this sh*t is hard.
Nothing worth having in life is easy. But rather than choosing to see what you’ll lose in forming new habits, see instead what you’ll gain.
Now that I’m 30 pounds lighter, pain free, sleeping like a baby, having way more good days than bad ones, and getting a lot more done, I have to agree with Sean’s assessment from Sober On A Drunk Planet. I’ve gained so much more in my pursuit of sobriety than I ever did chasing a buzz. And while I know it will be hard at times, the best is yet to come, and the delectable flavor of victory will be marinated in struggle.
