1(3) – In yesterday’s journal entry, I mentioned I was going to limit myself to 4 total drinks and no pot at my buddy’s house last night. I’m happy to report that I was able to stop at three drinks (2 beers and 1 hard kombucha). I also politely declined the much anticipated vape pen.
As we sat chatting under the stars by the fire table, I noticed my friend stealthily trying to pass me the vape pen. I quietly waved it away. Looking a bit surprised, he took a puff and returned the pen to his pocket.
A little later that evening, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him pull it out again and take a hit. As he did, I noticed a curious reaction in my body. I began to salivate like one of Pavlov’s dogs!
I’m embarrassed to report that this wasn’t the first time I’d salivated around pot. It had almost always happened whenever I pulled my first bong hit of the day. The moment the cool glass rim touched my lips, I’d drool right down into the bong. And I’d joke to myself, “Look at me, I’m like Pavlov’s dogs.” I thought it was pretty funny back then.
Now, I just think it’s sad, and a little scary. But mostly sad…
Since I had never refused to take a hit of pot before (pretty much ever), I hadn’t noticed the Pavlovian reaction in social situations. Pulling bong hits in my mancave by myself was something entirely different. Through force of habit, I had gone and classically conditioned myself!
While my Pavlovian response last evening was subtle (my mouth watered a little, it wasn’t like I was drooling all over myself), I still had the presence of mind to notice it. Today marks my 75th consecutive day of meditation. As I deepen my practice, I’m beginning to notice all sorts of physical and mental subtleties to which I was previously oblivious.
Let it R.A.I.N.
One technique I’ve learned to apply is the R.A.I.N. principle. R.A.I.N. is an acronym of Recognize, Acknowledge/Allow, Investigate, and Non-Attachment. I applied R.A.I.N. last evening to my buddy hitting the vape pen as follows:
- I Recognized the unconscious reaction (mouth watering)
- Then I Acknowledged that, subconsciously, I wanted a hit from that pen (Pavlov’s dog)
- I Investigated my innate reaction and determined it was a deeply programmed response resulting from decades of smoking pot and the associated dopamine rush that resulted. I decided that this urge was just a passing thought, like so many clouds in the sky.
- Lastly, I Non-Attached from that feeling by consciously making the decision ‘not to be or become’ that urge to smoke pot. It isn’t me. It doesn’t define who I am. At least not anymore.
Suddenly, another feeling replaced the one to smoke pot. A feeling of empowerment washed over me and cleansed me of every single one of my Pavlov’s dogs. The knowledge that my mindfulness was beginning to bear fruit filled my cup. My brain was rewiring itself. I had finally arrived at The Gain.
There was no fighting, FOMO, or regret. It was a ‘letting go’, a sensation as gentle as placing one’s head on a cool pillow before a good night’s sleep. It was an acknowledgement that my spiritual journey was well underway and beginning to produce powerful and meaningful change in my life.
With beer, setting my intention ahead of time to limit myself to precisely 4 drinks, drew a line in the sand. Knowing I would have to report back to my journal in the morning was instrumental in stopping at 3 drinks. Like with the pot, there was no fight. I was just done at 3. I let the 4th one go.
Pavlov’s Dogs Had Had Enough
I found at 3 drinks, I was satiated. I felt satisfied. It was enough so I stopped. Sipping the beers also helped. I like to think of it as mindful drinking. Sipping the beers allowed me to really taste them. There was a new level of appreciation in this approach. The other benefit was that it consumed the better part of an hour to finish each one. As a result, there was no ‘buzz’ building up. In other words, there was no momentum compelling me to unconsciously drink more. Pavlov’s dogs be damned! I’m rewiring my mind through meditation, mindfulness, and self awareness and I’m disconnecting from Pavlovian knee jerk reactions.
Today, I’m setting my intention on a Zero Day to reset from the prior two. I’m hoping to set myself up for a successful cleansing in the week ahead, one mindful moment at a time.
Go to the Day 15.
Suppressing your desires never works. Instead, acknowledge them and try to work around them… Another method is to say a prayer of renunciation to Buddha. That way you will have to answer to him if you relapse.
Shoukei Matsumoto – A Quiet Mind
