Zero+ ; Nickel = Happiness
Yesterday resulted in another Nickel and no sugar. My new bathroom scale arrives today. I’m a little nervous to see how much weight I’ve gained over the past couple of years. I’ve not been the best at following The Plant Paradox since covid started, and that’s being kind. My joke is Covid19 arrived and I put on the Covid38!! Once I have the scale, I’ll measure weight, BMI, and Fat% every morning. That should be the kick in the ass I need to get myself in shape.
There’s nothing like the accountability of stepping on a scale.
This morning over coffee, I was reading Happiness by Matthew Ricard. In this particular section of his book, Ricard discusses the idea of Ego being nothing more than a label placed on the ever flowing Now. He described it as similar to naming a river (Mississippi, Amazon, or Nile). His argument is that we name the flow of thoughts and emotions streaming through our minds: “I”. Thereby we become that flow – the “I River”. We are inseparable from it. So while we tend to attribute permanence to this flow, it, like ‘I’, are ever-changing and impermanent.
The Impermanence of Rivers
During my morning meditation, I contemplated impermanence and what role it had in promoting or detracting from happiness. In an ensuing vision, I saw myself standing on the bank of a rushing river. The brown water rolled and churned with mud and debris. I felt as though I’d be swept away by the rising waters.
I then realized that happiness may be found in observing that river of thought rather than allowing it to hook me and sweep me downstream. All my life, until recently, I’ve spent my life spinning endlessly in the torrent of unceasing thoughts, emotions, and desires. It was an Ego driven torrent of negativity, envy, and obsessing over banal nothings.
This morning, as I stood on the river bank of thought, it became plain to me that WE ARE NOT THE RIVER. The river doesn’t define us. The river is nothing more than the flow of impermanence. The whispers of voices passing in and out of our minds.
In rivers, like the Mississippi, water flows by, but it’s never the same water twice. What appears to be a solid flowing object is actually untold trillions of water molecules that are here and gone in an instant. For us to continually observe the same water in that river, we’d have to freeze it solid. And a river that doesn’t flow is called a glacier.
Our habitual river of thoughts, emotions, and desires often acts quite different from a traditional river.
The Permanence of Thought Rivers
While in a traditional river we never observe the same water molecule twice, our thought rivers are often stuck on repeat. We are plagued by the same molecules of regret, self criticism, loss, missed opportunity, failure, and embarrassment. These play on an endless loop and interfere with our happiness and wellbeing.
If we truly wish to be happy, we need to break the cycle and let these counterproductive thoughts flow down river and into the sea. There they can be absorbed by the infinite ocean and forgotten. We learn our lesson. We release the teacher. The nagging reminders aren’t necessary any longer, and there’s no longer any need to keep punishing ourselves over and over. As we cleanse the brown the churning water, the river grows clean and clear. We feel fresher, lighter.
I’ve found the R.A.I.N. technique to be quite helpful in identifying and releasing negative looping thoughts, in settling the water. Releasing our negativity into the vast ocean is liberating. With fewer negative thoughts to suppress, I feel less and less the need to self medicate with alcohol and marijuana. The less I self medicate, the better I feel, the less I self medicate. Win, win, win.
The Scale Arrives
So, I got the scale and decided not to wait until tomorrow morning for my first weigh in. I was too anxious. Here are the initial results:
- Weight: 222.3 pounds
- BMI: 30.1
- Fat %: 23.2
Okay, that’s actually better than I expected. I’m pleased with the upside surprise of being 8 pounds below my last weigh in. My BMI was a bit higher than the 29 I had anticipated. As for the Fat %, I didn’t know what to expect since I’ve never measured this before.
My goal therefore is to reduce my weight by 14.5% to 190 pounds. I think a reasonable timeframe to achieve this is by Thanksgiving. Afterall, 32 pounds ain’t chump change and I’ll need to take it slow if I want to keep it off. I’ll also need to make sure I’m building muscle mass as I go. Otherwise, I’ll be at a real disadvantage when I finally arrive at 190.
I’ve come to realize my current weight is like a river. It’s impermanent. If I do nothing, it’ll slowly keep going up. If I take action, it’ll slowly go down. Once down, it’ll fluctuate within a range. Impermanence can work for us or against us.
Happiness is impermanence working for us spurred on by our own indefatigable effort. Most impermanence is beyond our ability to influence, but that which we can effect, we must effect. Otherwise, it affects us, and often not to our liking.
Some charitable things I did yesterday: generously tipped a few people, made a donation outside Target, and texted an old colleague to wish her well in her new job.
On to tomorrow…
