Little bump up on the weight this morning, but I did get my hard won Lucky! Not totally unexpected since I figure my weight will trade within a range now and forever. I’ll probably plateau around here for a few days before breaking through this set point. That event will be thrilling. Set points suck!
Zero+ ; Lucky ; M: 82 ; C: 45 ; P/U: 50 ; W : 4.5 miles
Health R.O.S.
- Weight: 218.1 pounds
- BMI: 29.5
- Fat %: 22.8
It really feels fantastic to have reached my first Lucky (defined as 7 consecutive days of no alcohol, no pot). Thoughts of grabbing a beer still plague me, especially between those ‘special hours’ of 4pm – 8pm. However, I’m getting increasingly better at shirking alcoholic temptation unless some social occasion is on tap.
The biggest challenge I see ahead is the imminent start to the NFL season. For me, beer and football, go hand in glove. This has been the case for many years. I can’t tell you how many Monday morning hangovers I had to suffer through as a result of drinking all day on Sunday. The good news is, I really can’t see that happening this season, but truthfully, I won’t know until I’m standing at that bridge about to cross.
The Thrill is Gone, It’s Gone Away
I keep telling myself that my goal, what I’d like to get out of daily meditation, is a much reduced and more controlled relationship with alcohol. Total abstinence is a last resort at this point. However, I never planned to stop smoking weed, yet here I am free of that monkey for the last 45 days. Who knows, there may come a time when alcohol leaves me in the same manner. If it does, so be it.
You see, meditation has filled whatever mental niche marijuana previously occupied. I no longer crave it, want it, or really even think about it too much these days. That’s astounding considering I was a daily pot smoker for more than two decades!
I’m not quite there with alcohol. It’s still lingering in the back of my mind. I suppose that’s what being an alcoholic is at some level. To be clear, I don’t think about alcohol constantly, it’s more of a ‘pops into my head throughout the day’ kinda thing. Still, it seems like an alcoholic thought pattern to me. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned.
I don’t even know why I still enjoy drinking, because I don’t really ‘enjoy it’ at all. At least not anymore. It’s been so long since I’ve felt any sort of euphoria from drinking or smoking that I’d often joke to myself that “The Thrill is Gone“. Let’s face it, there’s nothing thrilling about feeling numb. The thrill of getting drunk or high left the building many, many years ago. And I’ve realized for some time, habit, momentum, and/or some kind of morbid fascination kept me hunting for that always elusive high of yesteryear.
First Ride the Ride, Then Wait in Line
I can best compare my latter years of getting drunk and high to riding the same rollercoaster over and over and over and over again. The ride itself is always super quick, and it’s less and less exciting each time. But here’s the difference. When we ride a rollercoaster at the amusement park, we wait in line for a while, and then, finally, jump in the car and off we go. With drinking it feels more like riding the rollercoaster first and then having to wait in a five hour line the next morning (the hangover line) to exit.
It’s all backwards. First the thrill, then the pain. Who does that?!?
Isn’t it funny how willing we are to flip it around when it comes to intoxication? First ride, then line?Sounds absolutely absurd! And it is. Yet, if you think about it, the time invested is precisely the same regardless of the order. But, no amusement park would stay in business long if they flipped things around in this fashion. With nothing to look forward to, the line becomes a hellish purgatory.
I can only laugh at myself now. At how much time I wasted on stupidity such as this. Especially when I frame it like this.
Oh well, we can’t waste our time trying to make a better yesterday.
All I can do is tack on another Zero+ day. Let’s make it happen.
If we can use our own strength to place our feet on the ground and make steady progress with each step, then little by little we will regain our momentum.
Shoukei Matsumoto – A Quiet Mind
