So, I went a little crazy with the eating yesterday. As I’ve mentioned over the past few days, I needed to signal my body that the famine is over. Otherwise I might have been stuck at 217 forever. Honestly, I expected to gain ~2 lbs so no surprise there. Sometimes we need to take two steps backward to take one step forward.
Zero ; Dozen ; M: 87 ; C: 50 ; P/U: Rest ; W : 4 miles
Health R.O.S.
- Weight: 219.8 pounds
- BMI: 29.7
- Fat %: 22.9
This morning during my daily meditation, I felt my third eye for the first time. The third eye is the spot in the center of your forehead just above your eyebrows. Interestingly, my third eye felt a little right of center. According to my reading and research, this particular misalignment indicates that I’m still leaning slightly negative in my overall thinking.
I kept my focus on it and by the end of the practice, I managed to get it centered. That’s one step forward without having to take two back. Curious to see with this goes…
Stepping Forward
I’ve arrived at a dozen beer free (and therefore alcohol free) days in a row – one step forward, maybe two! A Dozen was my goal for this sobriety stretch and I’m considering having a few beers tonight. Not totally sure about it and I’ll have to feel it out. I’m on the fence…
Even better, today was day 50 without any kind of marijuana, pot, cannabis, vape, gummy, etc. That’s many, many steps forward!
Come to think of it, the last time I had a marijuana free streak like this was in 2015. I went almost five months because I was interviewing for jobs and was afraid I’d get tested. But as soon as the coast was clear, I took ten steps back and gleefully dove back into my marijuana dependence with both feet.
However, I truly feel this time is different. As I’ve written previously, I didn’t quit pot, pot quit me. At somewhere around day 35 of daily meditation, I just lost the desire, urge, and craving for marijuana. I can’t explain it, but I’ve hardly thought about smoking weed, or eating it, or anything to do with it, ever since. Moreover, I don’t see that changing – unless I stop meditating. But there’s no way I’m going to take those two steps back now that I’m 50 steps (days) ahead!
Two Steps Back?
Beer on the other hand is, let’s say, trickier. I still find myself thinking about and planning around it. For example, let’s take this evening. I’ve managed to hit a Dozen beer free days and my first inclination is to celebrate my victory by knocking back a few IPAs. That’s worthy of further introspection.
More challenging still is the imminent kickoff of the 2022 NFL season. Football is heavily associated with drinking for me. As a result, that little voice in the back of my mind has the calendar out and is making all sorts of drinking plans.
I’m certain when I’m finally able to silence that alcoholic mini-me, I’ll be free. Free to drink mindfully or not at all, whatever the case may be.
With alcoholism, reaching for a substance can become a habit. Having a regular meditation practice can help interrupt those habitual inclinations. Meditation increases mental clarity and improves our ability to focus. “When we have better mental clarity, that’s when we can make better choices and slow down enough to weigh the consequences of our choices.”
– Patricia Pavlak, MA, LPC
