The Plant Paradox cleanse is truly amazing in how quickly you sees results. I’ve lost 2.1 pounds in 48 hours. Of that loss, 30% is fat, which means the balance is water. Though I would guess that since I haven’t had the ‘big pee’ my body isn’t holding much extra water these days. Today is day 42 of the Sobriety Journal, and hence The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy call out in today’s blog title. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Douglas Adams’ famous story, the number 42 is the answer to Life, The Universe, And Everything. I’d say let’s drink to 42, but I’m going for a Triple today!
Zero+; Deuce ; M: 103 ; C: 66 ; P/U: 50 ; W : Rest
Health R.O.S.
- Weight: 211.9
- BMI: 28.7
- Fat %: 21.9
Been Marijuana Free Awhile Now
Over the past several posts, I haven’t spent much, if any, time reflecting on being marijuana free for more than 60 days (today being day 66). Let’s do that now.
First, it’s been ~7 years since I went this long without smoking weed. And the last time I did it (for a potential job related drug test, btw) I simply drank more to make up for it. And starting smoking daily again the first opportunity I got. This time it’s a lot different.
For starters, I’m no only not using pot anymore, but I’ve cut my drinking down to a fraction of what it was just two months ago. I’ve not done both of these things simultaneously for, shit, I don’t know how long. I feel this is an accomplishment I can be proud of. Though, I admit, much remains to be done in this regard.
Being beyond two months of pot abstinence, I can’t see myself ever using it again. This is partly for fear of having it drag me down the rabbit hole again. But the larger reason is that I simply no longer possess any desire or inclination to do so. Why stir up trouble?
As I’ve written many times before, I haven’t given pot up, but rather offered it up or, more plainly, let it go. Strangely, pot seems to have reciprocated by letting me go in return. Everytime I reflect on this mutual letting go, how pot ‘quit me’, I realize how strange it may sound. But that’s what happened. It feels like a amicable breakup devoid of any emotional attachment for lack of a better analogy.
I’ve explained it to my wife and she doesn’t understand. I tell her, it’s like trying to explain to someone who’s never had kids what it feel like to parent. Until they have kids, they’ll never get it. This is like that.
Drinking is More Stubborn
Drinking, or more pointedly, thoughts about when, where, and how to drink, are more stubbornly persistent. I would love to breakup with them, but they’re like a clingy girlfriend who keeps trying to convince me that I really love her when I want nothing more than to get away. I’m sure you’ve been there!
There is a real attachment to these alcoholic thought patterns and them to me. R.A.I.N. certainly helps me to deal with this attachment, but it isn’t effective 100% of the time. At least not yet.
I’ve come to realize that so much of my suffering derives from inebriation of all kinds. It’s not too different from being in an abusive relationship. Let’s face it, ‘getting lit’ or ‘tying one on’ is, not withstanding its social aspects, an inherently selfish exercise. Done with frequency, it becomes self abusive.
Even when we drink socially, we participate in this activity at once together and separately. Afterall, no one but you is experiencing your buzz. The more we drink, the more we project our euphoria on to our co-conspirators. And they often mirror us drink for drink, puff for puff, injection for injection, yet in the end we experience both the high and the crash quite alone.
Separate but together eventually becomes separate. I’ve experienced this personally over the past several years. In fact, these days, I much prefer to drink alone. This inclination resulted in deeper isolation from the world around me, even before covid lockdowns.
I can’t say why or how it came to be this way for me, drinking alone that is. I can only imagine that it’s the natural evolution of an inherently selfish act. Now that I’m sober 95+ percent of the time, I’m finally emerging from this self imposed cocoon. And it feels great.
The chances of finding out what’s really going on in the universe are so remote, the only thing to do is hang on to the sense of it and keep yourself occupied.
Douglas Adams – The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
