My weight is flat today. I’m going to do some intermittent fasting tonight to see if I can get some movement. I’m also going to steer myself clear of the Tall Boys. Though today the hankerin’ for beer is strong in me.
Zero+; Triple ; M: 113 ; C: 76 ; P/U: 50 ; W : 4 mi
Health R.O.S.
- Weight: 210.4
- BMI: 28.5
- Fat %: 21.8
The Haunting of the Tall Boys
It was a pretty busy day today. And as I was working away, I kept thinking about sipping on some Swami IPA tall boys. It’s funny how I never think about pot anymore, but the voice of beer and alcohol still lingers in the dark crevices of my mind. I call it a voice, because it speaks to me.
Before I started meditating, I thought the voice was mine. That it was me telling me to run out and buy some beers. Now that I’ve done some metacognition exercises, I know the voice is not mine. It’s the voice of addiction. And better, I know if I let it, it will just pass through my mind like any other fleeting thought.
But some days that voice of addiction is stubborn & sticky.
Sometimes the voice manages to get it hooks in me. For example, today I kept having to remind myself that I only had those Budweiser tall boys four nights ago. That’s all. But it seems like a lifetime ago. The voice keeps trying to trick me into believing it’s been a eons, but it’s been 3.5 days.
I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy. I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.
– Art Williams
Prior to those tall boys, I pulled an Octet. Getting through this next Saturday would get me back to a Lucky. I believe that’s doable. That’s what is keeping me on track. Well, that and…
The Bathroom Scale & Honesty
My daily weigh-in is doing wonders to keep me honest. I detest the idea of jumping on the scale and seeing it go up 2-3 pounds, and that’s what a few tall boys will do. Drink a few beers and retain a few pounds of water. That’s the way is seems to work.
Whenever the temptation to buy some beer hits me, I think about the scale. It’s the prosecutor, the judge, and the jury. Perhaps that’s why I felt okay about drinking those beers last weekend in the mountains. I don’t have a scale up there and I knew I wouldn’t have to weigh in until Monday. Without the scale watching, I could cheat a little.
Meditation Takes the Edge Off
Meditation has certainly taken the edge off and quieted the nagging voice of addiction. Better yet, it’s completely silenced the voice of marijuana. Mindfulness has given me a powerful toolset to deal with my use disorder (like R.A.I.N.). But honestly, at the moment, the scale trumps all.
Meditation may have relieved me of my marijuana cravings, but my scale may prove to be the deciding factor in reframing my relationship with alcohol.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed climb.
– Najwa Zebian
