A Zero Day I had a fairly easy low temptation zero day yesterday. Other than my wife offering me a glass of Pinot Noir at 8pm, alcohol temptation was virtually nonexistent. Besides, as I’ve mentioned, wine is a fairly easy “no” for me these days since the sulfites give me a headache and f* up my sleep worse than beer or spirits. And today, I can’t afford to have a headache as we explore the heady topic of the eternal internal.
Hiking around the lake yesterday morning, I considered a conversation I had with my brother-in-law concerning my son’s choice to attend a local college. He argued that my son should expand his horizons and experience the wider world. He should attend a college farther away from home, and was particularly keen on my son going to Israel. My son, for his part. has no interest in either of these propositions.
My son is internally focused. A creative type. A deep thinker. Well grounded. Loves, loves, loves where he lives and his social circle.
While there’s no arguing or debating that there is a wide world out there, theoretically, it’s possible to travel and experience the majority of this planet in a human lifetime. In fact, there are many who’ve made it their mission to do exactly that. Yet despite its seeming vastness, even if a determined traveler managed to explore every inch of it, planet Earth is inherently limited. There is only so much of it to see.
So while there is nothing wrong with globe trotting, I worry that our society prioritizes the exploration of the external. The external takes precedence over embracing our own inner world. Maybe that’s why so many people seek happiness and fulfillment ‘out there’ rather than ‘in here’. This is a travesty considering that our inner world is inherently limitless. It is the eternal internal.
The Eternal Internal Spans Lifetimes
If reincarnation exists, and for sake of argument let’s say it does, does it exist for the purpose of climbing an ever ascending staircase to enlightenment? If so, how do we reconcile this across the vastness of hundreds or thousands of seemingly disconnected lifetimes? Do we in fact have that long? Why not take the leap in this life?
For better or worse, life in the material world burdens us with physical needs: nourishment, shelter, clothing, reproduction, etc.
Today our society demands we exist only in the material world by ensuring basic necessities are scarce for most people. For the vast majority of humans, survival trumps exploration of the external internal (e.g. self exploration). Those of us lucky enough to “have” are beset by the demands of an ever rising bar. The more we have, the more we want. It’s the hedonic treadmill.
Despite having options, we become ensnared by the external. Nothing is ever enough. Desire follows desire. Expectation transforms us into hamsters, running forever on the wheel of comparative living. There is no time left for the eternal internal. We look forever outward and upward, compelled to do so because we believe all of the lies society has fed us our whole lives.
Happiness Always Just Out of Reach
We transform into donkeys chasing carrots tied to strings. We measure achievement by external comparisons. I have a nicer car, house, wife than him. My kid goes to a better school than hers. My curated life on social media is downright enviable. Look at me go! No FOMO here! Yet, despite appearances, happiness is always just beyond our reach. Somehow life feels hollow. Empty. We are drinking salt water in hopes of quenching our thirst!
Sadly, choosing not to go along with societal pressures can invoke serious consequences both in terms of our comfort and reputation. This stirs in us strong emotions such as fear, envy, greed, covetousness, and hatred. These negative emotions dictate our actions. As a result, we soldier on in the material world, even though, at some level deep down, we know there’s a better way.
I am as guilty as most. I’ve spent much of my life pursuing material outcomes, never feeling more than a brief pleasure of sorts before pursuing the next thing in hopes of impressing the next person. Let me tell you from first hand experience, there is no lasting joy in impressing others. Plus, let’s face it, they really don’t give a shit anyway. They’re too wrapped up in their own dogmas. So, stop wasting your time.
The more I reflect on my sobriety, my goal to improve myself mentally and physically, the more I discover that my pursuits of materialism never resulted in happiness. The more I chase the external, the emptier I feel.
Happiness & Eternal Internal
Circling back, my son is a thinker. He is not motivated by brands (Harvard versus State U.), impressing others, or climbing to the top of the pig pile. Internal motivation is what drives him. This is the expression of his mind manifesting itself as creative output. Moreover, he is passionate about supporting his friends’ creativity and dreams. They return the favor in kind. None of them drink or drug. They are all happy kids! While he may explore the wider world someday (and I hope he does), today he’s content delving into the deep regions of his mind while remaining local.
At my son’s age, I was exclusively focused on the external. As a result, I was rarely happy. I was always self conscious and took things personally. I worked hard to be better, not than myself, but than others. As a result, most of my “victories” rang hollow. As I grew older, drinking and smoking pot became my way of coping with the ever present emptiness. These vices filled a void inside me. I sought comfort in the external, in mind altering substances. Until they themselves became empty, or, more accurately revealed themselves to be such.
Today, my daily meditation, my internal exploration, brings me great happiness. Meditation banishes negativity and is gently changing my old entrenched habits for the better. Introspection takes me to where I wish I was when I was my son’s age. Well, 30 years later is better than never.
There’s an old Chinese saying: The best time to plant an apple tree is 10 years ago. The second best time? Now!
I’m grateful meditation and mindfulness found me when it did. Otherwise, I may have plunged headlong down the slippery slope of alcoholism. I’m not out of the woods yet, but I think I can see the treeline…
Here’s to another day!
Why should we live with such hurry and waste life? We are determined to be starved before we are hungry. Men say that a stitch in time saves nine, so they take a thousand stitches today to save nine tomorrow. – Henry David Thoreau – Walden
