I have to say that Drinkie (the pet name I’ve given to that voice in the back of my mind that’s always looking for an excuse to drink) has quieted down – A LOT. It’s almost as though Drinkie’s been gagged. I can hear his muffled voice sometimes trying to grab my attention, but his volume is so much lower now. So, he’s easier to ignore.
Zero+ ; Quartet ; M: 149 ; C: 110 ; P/U: 70 ; W: 5mi
No Weigh In
As I’ve mentioned over the past few days, since I dumped the nearly full beer, what would’ve been my third, down the drain last Saturday night – there’s been a fundamental shift in my perspective concerning alcohol. Not quite a sea change, but a noticeable difference for the better.
Drinkie’s Been Gagged
Maybe I should have dumped a can of beer a while ago. Like that day I tossed all my pot over the fence (Day 10) and threw my bong in the trash bin (Day 76), it’s possible the physical actions of dumping out and throwing away cause a psychological quieting of addiction’s otherwise persistent voice. Now that I’ve gone ahead and dumped a full beer down the kitchen drain, have I inadvertently flipped off the same switch that meditation shut off for pot? Sort of.
I am not able to articulate why such simple physical actions would have such a dramatic mental impact on my desires to drink and smoke marijuana. But there’s no doubt they have. Time will tell if its a permanent change or something that will fade over the upcoming days and weeks. At least for pot, the impact appears permanent.
Drinkie’s been gagged. And so long as that remains true, he is unable to lie to me. He is unable to convince me that I need to have a drink. I’m certain he is working tirelessly to unmuzzle himself. But until then, there are no lies. There is no manipulation. Drinkie has no voice, input, or say.
Smokie disappeared all at once. But Drinkie won’t go down without a fight. I’m ready to rumble and feel I have the toolset (mindfulness meditation and RAIN) to fight the good fight.
I never set out to stop drinking entirely, but instead to recast my relationship with alcohol. That means a lot of things, but specifically it means that if Drinkie is the one asking, insisting, or pestering, the answer is always: NO.
Onto Day 89
