Last night, I drank two lager style beers. And they were fresh and tasted as expected. Yet, for some reason, after I opened the third beer and took a couple of sips, I got up from the family room couch, walked to the kitchen sink, and dumped it out.
I was done. Simple as that.
Zero+/1(2) ; Sixer/None ; M: 145 ; C: 108 ; P/U: 2x 70 ; W : 2x 4 mi
Health R.O.S.
- Weight: 205.2
- BMI: 27.8
- Fat %: 21.1
- Water %: 57.5
The first two beers went down fine, but really didn’t do anything for me. By the time I opened the third can, there was “no there, there”. I just didn’t want it.
The Pendulum Swings
Dumping a mostly full, ice cold beer down the drain is something I’ve never done in my life. Six months ago, doing something like that was sacrilege!
I would describe this act of defiance a breakthrough in what I’m now calling my ‘gray area drinking‘ problem. While I was certainly skirting along the periphery, if I fit the clinical definition of alcoholism, I would have blown right past that third beer and kept going until I passed out. But I feel the pendulum swinging away from use disorder and toward a more responsible relationship with alcohol.
When I went and dumped that beer in the sink, Drinkie had left the building. In his place, another voice spoke to me. Sobery would be a dumb thing to name that voice (and not so catchy, either), but whatever I call it, it told me to dump that beer. And I obeyed it with zero resistance.
Getting Dumped Into the Middle Way
The simple act of dumping that beer down the drain is an experience that helps move me past the fear of alcohol and alcoholism. I feel as though I’m starting to see a middle way for myself. Black in July, my gray area drinking was heading squarely into the red, but now the momentum is clearly heading in the opposite direction. My sober curiosity is beginning to pay dividends.
The four critical factors that stood out from last night echo my experience eight nights ago:
- Last night drinking wasn’t the focus, it wasn’t an activity unto itself
- I wasn’t drinking to get drunk (obviously, or I wouldn’t have dumped the beer)
- Two beers was enough, three was too many
- Drinking did nothing for me. There was no reward in it. It was Meh…
Interestingly, it’s worth mentioning that despite drinking only two beers of less than 6% alcohol content, my sleep was still negatively impacted. It apparently doesn’t take much alcohol to mess up my sleep quality. I’ve really come to appreciate this fact now that I have a good deal of separation from my frequent binge drinking days.
I believe that one of the major contributors to bringing my drinking to a healthier place is my full unconditional marijuana sobriety. Marijuana and beer were like two old buddies egging each other on. A drink of one would solicit a bong hit from the other, and so on.
At day 35 of meditation, I dumped all my pot over the back fence into the greenbelt. One day 144, I dumped a beer. As the Beatles once sang: It’s getting better all the time…
