My inclination to drink beer is diminishing. It is not completely eradicated like marijuana, but the desire to not drink is gaining power over the once ever present desire to drink.
Most victories rang hollow. As I grew older, drinking and smoking pot became my way of coping with the emptiness. These things filled a void inside me. I sought comfort in the external, in mind altering substances. Until they themselves became empty.
Instead of euphoria, I found a spiraling use disorder. Covid 19 lockdowns added fuel to the fire. What had been a daily pot and a few times a week alcohol habit, became a nearly daily binge of both. I only took days off if the brutality of the hangover demanded it.
As drinking alcohol took primary focus on the days I was imbibing, it began to supercede eating dinner. I would crack a beer open as I was walking in the garage. It was the first thing I did after parking the car in the driveway! Soon I’d be 3-5 beers in and realized I forgot to eat.
The challenge for me in staying sober is revealing itself as a ‘time of day’ thing. In other words, I’m most inclined to drink alcoholic beverages between 4pm and 8pm. I’m finding that if I can survive this window, I’ll have a successful outcome.
And there it is…
“There is neither heaven nor earth,
Only snow,
Falling incessantly”
-Hashin