Welcome to the MindfulMoney section of ReturnOnSobriety. This is the portion of the blog where we deal with what I like to call ‘money sobriety’. While that may sound crazy, you probably know someone who is addicted to shopping or gambling or ostentatious displays of wealth. It goes without saying that money is an incredibly powerful societal force. In this portion of the blog we’ll examine potential ways to be wiser with our money. And possibly even make a return on the money we’re no longer spending on our addiction.**
So with that, let’s start with the basics.
What is money?
From where does money derive its value? One word – Faith!
Intrinsically, money (dollars, Euros, rubles, crypto, nfts, etc) is worth nothing, nada, zero. Today, unlike when we had a gold standard, money is not backed by anything of value other than our collective belief and agreement that it reflects whatever value happens to be printed on it. And, more loosely, what that perceived value may be exchanged for in terms of goods and services.
Don’t go broke trying to look rich.
– Anonymous
Thus, while religion and adherence to it varies widely from person to person and place to place, the ‘god’ the unites us all is money, or more accurately, our collective faith in it.
It’s the story you’ve been told all your life: money = happiness, money = freedom, money = everything.
Money = Everything
From a young age you were instructed by your well-meaning parents (and the system that shaped their worldview) to “make something out of yourself”. What is implied, of course, is that to make something of yourself you must first make money. Once made, you must convert your hard-won earnings into lots of nice things (houses, cars, jewelry, vacations, designer bags, private school, etc). AND you are encouraged to keep these things on full display so that everyone knows that you have, in fact, made something of yourself.
Used to dream of outer space, but now they’re laughing at our face saying, “Wake up, you need to make money”, yeah
– 21 Pilots
Unfortunately, the word ‘something’ is a bit ambiguous and squishy. I suspect this is intentionally so in order to create the illusion that you have the freedom to define the something that you made yourself.
But ‘something’ is already well defined and understood. ‘Something’ in this context equates to success. While the term success can itself be a murky term, it’s generally understood as being rich. Therefore, make something of yourself simply means make yourself rich.
What is Rich?
But then, what does ‘rich’ mean? Keep in mind that we’re not looking for a mutually agreeable definition of rich here, but rather what ‘rich’ means to you personally within the context of your own life, goals, and aspirations.
For me, richness is using my time in whatever manner I see fit in the present moment (which is all we really have, right?). Time and my intentional use of it are the commodities I value most. What about you?
As a recent entrant into the 50’s club (2022 marks 50 years on the planet for me), my perception of time and the unceasing rapidity of its passage make it ever more valuable with each passing moment. Like any commodity, the more available it is, the less valuable it is. This is why so many people waste their youth (I’m certainly guilty of this) and fritter away their lives paying interest on loans and revolving credit lines for things of questionable utility and dubious value.
Remember the old saying: “Time is money”? I have a new one for you: “is money worth your time”? Especially when you consider “not another minute will your money buy” (- Kansas).
Time Ain’t Money
I know you’re thinking it, so I’ll take it head on. Yes, I realize you need a roof over your head, food in your belly, and clothes on your back. You also need safe, reliable transportation, health insurance, and an education (to make something your of yourself, of course).
But do you need a 5,000 square foot roof over you head? How about a 10,000 square foot roof? What about a $400,000 hypercar, a 300” flat screen tv, or an ivy league philosophy degree?
You may be reading this and thinking “Yes, I do” or “what the f* are you talking about, I can barely afford my shitty apartment and my beater car!”. If you are in the former group, you are hereby excused from reading any further since you’ll likely find the content of this article to be disagreeable. If you belong to the latter group, keep reading because you’re exactly who this is written for.
Keeping Up With The Jones
As far as the extravagant items I mention above go, I would argue that nobody needs any of those things. But society would have you believe otherwise. That’s why you are killing yourself and will continue to do so, as long as you believe the lie of the Jones. Even if you are working two jobs to keep your head above water (I’ve been there several times in my own life), the Joneses are flashing their flashiness all around you, making your challenging circumstances appear even worse to you than they truly are. You are living a comparative life. The Jones message is toxic.
If only you had worked a little harder… If only you made different decisions… if only…
So, there you are at the traffic light stuck behind some obviously successful business magnate driving your dream car! How did she get so lucky? Ahh, her license plate frame says Stanford. That must be it. You see, Stanford grads make tons of money. For all you know, she bought that license plate cover on Ebay and taking that fancy ride to the carwash for the real owner who went to State U.
‘Keeping up with the Jones’ is a problem that has plagued the American culture for generations. Sadly, it has spread to many other parts of the world as evidenced by the global onslaught of ‘influencers’ whose only job is to convince you to part with your hard earned money and buy some tripe you don’t really need. All so they can earn a commission at the expense of your long-term financial security and wellbeing.
Who Are the Jones?
But who are the Joneses and why are we so desperate to keep up with them? What makes them so special anyway? The simple answer: Nothing.
The more complicated answer: Nothing whatsoever.
The Joneses are simply insecure people who have taken the competitiveness of obtaining ever more expensive material possessions to the next level. And sadly, most do so at great personal cost (and debt). They work for their things rather than the other way around.
I hope you will join me on this journey to go a different way. For me, the Joneses are dead, and I intend to keep them that way. Well, not the actually Joneses, that would be wrong, but their culture and the mentality that traps them on the unceasing hamster wheel of servicing all that STUFF (and debt) they have and continue to accumulate.
I’ll leave you with this question: Who is working for whom? Is your stuff working for you or are you working for your stuff? If you are in the second camp, I’m glad you’re here. It’s time to break the cycle.
Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want, to impress people that they don’t like.
-Will Rogers
