Most victories rang hollow. As I grew older, drinking and smoking pot became my way of coping with the emptiness. These things filled a void inside me. I sought comfort in the external, in mind altering substances. Until they themselves became empty.
Instead of euphoria, I found a spiraling use disorder. Covid 19 lockdowns added fuel to the fire. What had been a daily pot and a few times a week alcohol habit, became a nearly daily binge of both. I only took days off if the brutality of the hangover demanded it.
As drinking alcohol took primary focus on the days I was imbibing, it began to supercede eating dinner. I would crack a beer open as I was walking in the garage. It was the first thing I did after parking the car in the driveway! Soon I’d be 3-5 beers in and realized I forgot to eat.
The challenge for me in staying sober is revealing itself as a ‘time of day’ thing. In other words, I’m most inclined to drink alcoholic beverages between 4pm and 8pm. I’m finding that if I can survive this window, I’ll have a successful outcome.
I have to admit, driving past that liquor store on the days I go into the office can be quite tempting. They have a fine selection of ice cold IPAs in nice big pint cans. Four packs and six packs. All lined up and waiting to be drank.