When I began to appreciate what I had, a loving family, a roof over my head, gainful employment, health (despite being overweight and a little achy), and hobbies, my outlook improved. While momentarily pleasurable, intoxication does not create happiness. It will never create happiness. Ever. Realizing this caused a seismic shift in my perspective.
Since I began my sobriety journey and started to recast my relationship with pot and alcohol, I had no idea, no feeling, of how numb I had become. I had been through the death of my mother-in-law, my father (at the height of Covid) – both from cancer. Like you, I dealt with Covid 19. There was also a crazy hostile work environment going on at the same time. Yet, through it all, I was numb. If I felt anything, it was anger, frustration, exhaustion.