Since I began my sobriety journey and started to recast my relationship with pot and alcohol, I had no idea, no feeling, of how numb I had become. I had been through the death of my mother-in-law, my father (at the height of Covid) – both from cancer. Like you, I dealt with Covid 19. There was also a crazy hostile work environment going on at the same time. Yet, through it all, I was numb. If I felt anything, it was anger, frustration, exhaustion.
Her ex has a major drinking problem and recently wrapped his truck around a tree while driving drunk. Fortunately, he’s okay, but the truck is totaled and his license suspended.
I kept thinking about sipping on some Swami IPA tall boys on more than one occasion. It’s funny how I never think about pot anymore, but the voice beer and alcohol still lingers in the back crevices of my mind. I call it a voice, because it speaks to me.
Dependence and addiction are anchors. They numb us to possibility. And they cause us to fear impermanence and seek escape from it. Alcohol and drug dependence are the realms of regret, loss, and decay. The world closes in around you and suffocates all it envelops.
As my relationship with alcohol continues to evolve, I feel confident that whatever use disorder I was grappling with 12-18 months ago has eased considerably. But I remain ever vigilant. And I believe one of the best ways to iron my resolve in this matter is to calendar several sober months throughout the year.